Sam & Others

Octopussy

2008-02-14T18:00:00.000+05:30

After a considerably long time-out to recover from the ordeal of Gattaca, Sam once again approached us for a movie to act out. So we gave him “Octopussy”. Sam cracked up, uttered several obscenities and then proceeded to act out the movie.

He pointed down south and grinned helplessly.

Faraz: crotch?

Sam nodded. Sam whose grin had turned half sheepish / half apologetic hesitantly pointed at Appy. Appy being the cool chick that she is burst out laughing.

Faraz: cock?
Sam: (continues pointing at Appy)
Faraz: dick? balls?
Sam: chooth, I’m pointing at Appy.
Appy: (makes note to have a serious talk with Faraz. On reconsideration, makes note to clobber Faraz)
Saurabh: Octopussy!!!

(Sam nods gratefully and proceeds to clobber Faraz. Appy cheers gleefully in the background and joins Sam shortly.)

Gattaca

2008-02-14T16:47:00.006+05:30

After a long long time, Sam & Others were reunited. And at what better occasion than Shiv and Sneha's fantastic and extravagant wedding celebrations. Or “festival” to put it in Karan’s words. Sam & Others being in their element that they usually are wiped out the bar at the Sangeet in good time. But looks like Shiv & Sneha had all angles covered. Crates of alcohol were marched in and the bar was restocked in minutes.

To kill time between the wedding and the reception the next day, Sam & Others decided to form teams and play dumcharades. Sam eagerly volunteered to act out a movie. With equal enthusiasm, our team gave him "Gattaca", to which Sam grinned and responded with "Fuck dude. Good one. Good one." On recalling that he was the one who had to do the acting, turned serious and set out to do his bit.

He split the word into 3 parts, got his team to guess "bat" and got around to having them guess words that sounded like bat.

Faraz: mat, cat, sat, fat, pat…?

Sam: (gesticulates vigorously for faraz to carry on in the same vein)

Faraz: mat…cat… sat... fat… pat …?

Sam: (gesticulates even more vigorously)

So then Sam encouraged his team to go alphabet by alphabet. Much to Sam's momentary relief they got around to saying "gat". On finally hearing someone say "gat" Sam looked at his team triumphantly, thinking that his work was as good as done. To his belief and very much to our own, if you can come so far as to guess “gat”, its only a matter of seconds before the movie Gattaca dawns on you.

But much his to disbelief, his team looked at him in open bewilderment.

Sam: Dude. Dude.

Then Sam gave up waiting for the movie to hit them and proceeded to act out the last part of the word. Within seconds Faraz rightly guessed "car".

Faraz: "gat – something – car"?

Sam: For Fuck's sake dude!

Sam: (looks around helplessly and looks at us in defeat) "How will I act out the middle part man. That's not even a word."

Karan: sshh. No talking.

And so Sam closed his eyes to summon a good measure of composure and proceeded to attempt acting out the “middle part” of Gat-something-car.

Sam: (acts out pulling out an arrow and takes aim)

Faraz: Robin Hood!!!

Sam: (glares piercingly at Faraz)

Much to Sam's relief, Saurabh (who had been hanging out with us for the last few hours or so) said "arrow".

Nitin (whispers to Appy and Archy): Saurabh is here? Where did Saurabh come from?

Sam looks expectantly at Saurabh

Saurabh: Arrow?

So Sam tried to get Saurabh to split the word.

Faraz: Arrow?

Sam: (nearly chops his arm off trying to get Faraz to split the word)

Saurabh: Arr?

Saurabh: aaaa?

Sam: THAT'S IT!

Saurabh & Faraz: "gat-aaa-car"?

Saurabh & Faraz: oooooh. Gattaca!

Bravo Sameshwarnath. Bravo!

p.s.

~~My flair for exaggeration~~ My tendency to exaggerate appears to have multiplied threefold from the last time I posted. Faraz and Nitin are sure to agree with me on this one ;)

Basilico

2007-08-01T11:52:00.000+05:30

While having dinner at Basillico last night, some talk of driving licenses happened to have come up. At this point, mannising Manny (yes, this name still holds good) jumped about her seat claiming to have the worst picture when it comes to driving licenses. “C’mon man, you’ve seen mine. I win hands down” I said. I took out my license and handed it to Manny to remind her and then showed it to Madhuri. No words were coming out of these two as a result of the laughing fit they had broken into on seeing my picture.

Sam, who we had lost as soon as he laid eyes on his beef sandwich looked at us in bewilderment. Chicks cheerfully fighting to claim title as to who looks worse? For this, perhaps the sandwich could wait he thought to himself. And so he consented to look at my license. After laughing wildly looking at everyone else at the table he looked at me and said, “With this kind of a license Archy, if you ever get caught driving… you will be asked to go ride a bullock cart.” And with that round 2 of the uncontrollable laughter started.

When everyone seemed to have digested everything and my driving license was laughed at sufficiently I tucked it away. Within minutes Madhuri turned to me and said “Ey Archy, show it one more time ya. I want to laugh some more”. And with that round 3 started with more comments as to what the public at large would have to say about my poor license.

And yes, I will gladly show my license to you also when you are in Bombay next.

what a creation...

2007-06-12T15:31:00.001+05:30

there's been the dinosaurs
there's been the evolution of many a species
there's been the dawn of man from apes (debatable?)
and there's been the ipod.

creation takes many a form. none are parallel, nay, none are even close to the sheer 'uniqueness' of the man whos life this humble blog is dedicated to capturing.

Belated happy birthday Bro...as you live it up in the UK, we fondly look forward to celebrating with you in our own respective capacities upon your return.

Sam Song

2007-05-16T22:45:00.000+05:30

I really don't know how we have missed putting this up here. But many moons ago 2 characters who appear regularly in these posts (VJ & Pablo) put together a tune and called it "the Sam song"

Since we live in a city where Sam only makes fleeting appearances, the song was meant as a warning for the uninitiated and a "brace yourself" for those who had already met our dear Sameshwar.

The chorus for the song goes like this

Gotta get ready,
Let the chips fall down.
Practice your swing,
Keeping your head down.
Get ready for some sculling,
When you drink, don’t frown.
Get your game face on,
‘Cause Sam’s in town!

All rights reserved - The Magas

I'll try to get them to play this tune and upload the song as an mp3...I dream of a day when every airport that Sam graces with his presence belts out the above words. It promises to be an eventful weekend.

Nitin & Others

2007-04-18T09:35:00.000+05:30

On the way to the theatre last night (an odd occasion where we chose to catch a movie in preference to catching a drink, though Sam of course chose otherwise) we spotted a dog walking on the road with its owner walking not too far behind. We noticed that the dog was walking sort of funny, like it had something lodged up its behind, or rather, like something was formerly lodged up its behind. Any prudent person would perhaps feel sorry for the dog or assume that the dog was suffering from some illness. But as you may be well aware, we are not a prudent bunch. Nitin within seconds of spotting the dog remarked:

‘Now we know what that dog’s owner has been doing to it every night’.

And then not a minute too soon he added:

‘Now we know what an animal lover actually means’.

Birthday Weekend

2007-04-09T12:42:00.000+05:30

Last weekend witnessed the ‘party of the decade’ as someone rightly said. Your happily inebriated narrator may have passed out on a few occasions, but not without catching a few Sameshwar moments. While at Seijo bringing in Nitin’s birthday, we find out that a party nearby was also celebrating a friend’s birthday and so we generously offered to sing for the birthday girl. As I unwisely started to sing ‘Happy Birthday to you’, I was drowned out by the more appropriate version for the occasion. Yes, the war and famine one. The girl stood there looking at us with a feeble smile, though by the time we got to ‘people die, everyday’ she started to look hopeful that she too may join such people shortly. Sam, our beloved hero, thus took upon himself the task of making light of the situation by talking to her.

Sam: Cheers dude. Cheers. So how old do you turn today?
Birthday Girl: 31
Sam: Fuck, you serious?
Birthday Girl: (*feeble smile reappears*)
Sam: No no. Its because you look 22 or something.
Birthday Girl: I’m fine with being 31 actually.
Sam: Really? Good for you dude.

And then Sam turns around hollering at the whole of Seijo:

‘Old fuck dude. Old fuck in the house. Fuckin A dude. 31. Fuckin A.’

*****

Cut to Sunday morning at Nitin’s place while on the subject of being hungry and wondering why our respective cooks hadn’t turned up:

Nitin: Probably because its Easter or something man.
Adi: Really? Wasn’t Easter on Friday or something?
Nitin: Sure it was. And good Friday is tomorrow.

To clarify, the above conversation was in fact between Nitin and Adi and not Nitin and Sam. You know, just in case anyone presumed otherwise.

overheard at TCs...

2007-03-19T18:10:00.000+05:30

Indranil: di caprio's accent in blood diamond was to die for man...
chitgo: yeah, i still call my flatmate bru after seeing it, the guys got talent.
sam: yeah man, frickin awesome movie..

madhuri: sam, you haven't even seen blood diamond..
Awkward silence from sam and laughter all around..

3 miliseconds later…
sam: no dude, I mean .. i've seen the footage...

See you guys in Bombay soon!

come awwwwwwwwwwwwwn

2007-02-08T14:05:00.000+05:30

boss, too much time has gone by with no updates from sameshwar.
i am hereby making my indignation felt with a brief of my conversation with the ever nostalgic aditya khanna:

dC: adi, what else has been happening dude?
adi: bas yaar the usual...
dC: any travel planned soon?
adi: boss just want to go bombay every month man.
dC: hey thats great yaar, work or just chillin?
adi: DUDE! i miss BOMBAY SO MUCH MAN...visions and sounds of sita mahal, bandra (a long list ensues)....EVERYTIME i call these guys, they're either smashed or partying or tripping or rocking or talking or watching (add few more verbs...)...i miss it so much man....
dC: easy there buddy..easy. Chin up adi!, we can make Delhi rocking also, whaddayasay?
Adi: (silence)
* end of conversation.

-----------------------------

so on that note, can you guys 'living the life' please provide an update of epic proportions before the withdrawal symptoms really kick in.

love always
dC/chitgo/

Life is life

2006-12-26T13:17:00.000+05:30

Where do I begin?! The last 3 days and nights have all somehow merged into one with the central figure being that of our very dear Sameshwar. Ok I will begin in the traditional fashion:

One night at Tavern a few drinks were had…and then a few more. Other items were also consumed…surreptitiously. Sam was in his element…regaling people with his nonsense. We exited Tavern at 1 ish to drop a friend back in Sam’s brother Pablo’s brand new candy apple red Zen Estilo. How we dropped off Sam's colleague Megha and made it back to Empire restaurant I don’t know. But we did. ( 2 almost dead stray dogs and some burnt rubber later)....On the way back there was Sam, Vijay and yours truly in the car when suddenly Sam pulls the car to the side, mutters something that sounded like “ fuck…bursting dude", slides behind a parked truck and relieves himself on the wall behind. My recent foray into urban development left me shocked at this natural show of Sameshwar’s more provincial personality. Sam walked back with a huge grin and on seeing my shocked expression “chill dude its all good brettther lets go eat some butter chicken kababs now”

So we get to Empire restaurant which is packed at 2 AM. The waiter comes around and Sam begins muttering loudly again “ 3 plate kababs, 2 butter chickens..” that’s when I quietly tell Sam that there’s just 3 of us.

"Oh Ya that’s right you order then man ha ha sorry!"

I order and we wait for the food. I take up the topic of pissing on the road again with Sam and ask him why he could not have waited 2 more minutes and pissed in the restaurant loo instead

“Abhi…shut the fuck up man…go wear a khaadi shirt ha ha! Fuck man what a leak that was.. best leak ever man! Fuck that poor wall man it must have felt like the Niagra for the wall…fuck it almost ruptured ha ha!”

Then suddenly he changes tack “There were ants all over the wall man..pissed all over the ants…like in Zoo Lander man ha ha Fuck what a movie that is man!”

Then Sam notices the completely bemused expressions on Vijay and my face and pipes down…and begins singing something that sounded like “ Life is life…la la la…Life is life….”

Tired of singing, Sam begins looking for things to play with on the table. (or so I thought then…it was I now realize actually a great plan to do what he eventually did) He picks up the jug of water and observes it for a while…he then surveys the rest…tissues, 2 glasses and us sitting opposite. He quickly averts his gaze from us and continues his seemingly innocuous actions: he pours water into the glass and then picks up a bunch of tissues. By now, my Sam instincts have been alerted and I know something is afoot. Sam slowly begins dipping the tissues into the glass of water….then his actions pick up pace and the dipping is now a frantic soaking of the tissues. Sam then nonchalantly removes the soaking wet bunch of tissues from the glass and begins squeezing them with both hands on the table, which results in a pool of water collecting and dripping off. This continues another 2 times while Vijay and I sit there stunned. Sam regally finishes with all the tissues on the table, not finding any more he simply wipes his hands on the couch he’s sitting on, looks up at us and says “what? Just washing my hands man chill”

The food arrives and Sam feasts. Rejuvenated “Guys lets go to the estate for new years…fuck what a place man what a place. Acres and acres of green grass and tea and …tea leaves…nothing else man nothing! You cant hear a single thing there ….except …(and here he makes a croaking noise) all you hear is the crow waking the fuck out of you in the morning”

Both Vijay and I heard crows then I think because we paid up and got Sam out of there soon after...we drove back with "Life is life..la la la.." being softly crooned by a now satiated Sam.

Out of the Blue

2006-12-05T14:14:00.000+05:30

Last night we had (my birthday) dinner at a relatively and independently fancy place called Out of the Blue. The word 'independently', a seemingly inaccurate adjective, signifies a place that is fancy, independent of comparison with places such as Gokul, Junta and the like. Sam on walking in looks surprisingly at me and says, ‘Not bad I say. Your choices are improving.’ This is soon followed by a nod and a wide grin, as if to say ‘you’re welcome’.

When the time came to order for some alcohol I picked up the menu and went through the wine collection. This had our dear hero in splits after which he asked why I wasn’t ordering the usual, which apparently is ‘17-18 glasses of rum’. I said I wanted something fruity and tried to show him their nice collection of fruity wines.

‘Wine it seems. Why don’t you go order for a coconut then?’
Though I had numerous questions on the correlation between fruity wine and a coconut, the most pertinent one seemed to be, ‘Sam, is a coconut even a fruit?’
‘Archy, relax. Its called lateral thinking.’

And of course on the subject of coconuts, our hero rightly ventured as follows.

‘Order for a coconut, break it on the table and start skulling. No no, I know what you’ll do. You’ll skull half and empty the rest on your hair. Go for it Archy. Go for it’

And so on.

When the presents came my way, Sam’s hand shot up in the air and he remarked, ‘Its from all of us’. But only after I opened it and liked what I saw. So also after I cut my fantastic chocolate cake, Sam remarked, ‘I had to tell Manny the order so many times before she finally got it right.’

Seeing as how it was a Monday night, I didn’t think Sam & Others would be up for a late night. Accordingly I planned on having just dinner and was more than happy with just that. But just as we were finishing up, Sam slammed his emptied glass of LIT on the table and said

‘Toto’s’
‘I’m game’, said Manny.
‘If you insist’, said Tarang.

And so we set out. For some unfortunate reason, the fateful day had arrived where I could not skull my rum. I sat there sipping on it, half enjoying it if you will. Sam grew distressed that he had finished two glasses while I wasn’t even halfway down my first. As a result:

‘Archy, just imagine. No really close your eyes and imagine. You’re swimming in a pool of old monk. You are one with old monk. You are old monk. Nowskull.’

When this attempt at what one might believe to be hypnotism failed, Sam decided I wasn’t drinking because I didn’t have a man by my side. Tarang and Manny suggested that Sam call out to the skeleton like thing clad in an orange shirt to join us, to which Sam instinctively turned to the thing and duly called out:

‘Ey ugly fuck. Eeyy. Eey Bossey.’

Tarang and the rest of us nearly jumped onto Sam to stop him from going any further to which he very innocently shrugged saying:

‘What man. I was only calling him’

He returned to his original task of getting me to skull and resigned by sighing, ‘You’re such a pansy Archy.’

This reminds me of Chitgo’s call in the morning to wish me for my birthday, which was something like ‘Happy Happy birthday bro’.

What is surprising when I attempt to highlight the not so subtle fact of my gender, is that I am either greeted by a confused silence or a statement such as ‘Same thing dude.’

I guess I don’t have much say in this. :)

Sam visits

2006-11-13T10:12:00.000+05:30

When Sam descends on his hometown, it is always an occasion. Some excerpts from his short but eventful visit:

At Infinitea, a great little café on Cunningham road: we (Sam, Madhuri and I) walk in around 5 PM and order some tea and snacks. Sam looks around the café, walls, waiters and guests as if he is surveying the interiors of an especially rustic art house. He loses focus and decides that I am a more interesting exhibit:
"Aye you pansy why the fuck are you wearing your glasses on your head man? We all know you have glasses...what do you think you're at the end of the universe with the sun shining right on your face or what?" - this told me Sam's idea of the universe was somewhere between that of Douglas Adams and Captain Picard. But suddenly Sam began relating my sunglasses perched (I thought quite nicely) on my head by continuing, "You're like a rhinoceros ..an African rhinoceros with those sunglasses"
Madhuri then asks him to shut up, which to my surprise takes effect immediately! (A point to note for all of us)

But Sam as we all know can't shut up for too long, especially when told to. The waiter comes around for another order and Madhuri decides to order a more exotic selection of tea this time around...Sam looks at me and says " She just ordered some random stuff...some difficult sounding, hard to pronounce food...even the other day she was ordering some random sandwich with some dressing...1000 island or something..bloody she asked for some 100 million island dressing hahaha ha ha! " Madhuri rolls her eyes...and ignores this.

Sam sees the signs and decides that Madhuri's food choices should well be left alone and takes a renewed interest in the café, " What are these paintings on the walls man...all of them look the same...just to jazz the place up they put up some random paintings" ...Madhuri says , " Uhh Sam they are photographs"
" Oh ya same thing that's what I meant man...random photographs. Look at this one for example...(pointing to something behind me...which I now suspect was just a blank piece of the wall) its like ... its like the friggin' earth talking to the sky...no no wait! not talking but kicking the sky in the nuts..ha ha! the photograph should be called the knee in the nuts of the sky!"
*******
We then moved to Windsor Pub where Pablo & Démon were appreciating Bangalore's finest export. It is prudent here that for the benefit of the global audience of this blog, I give you a short character sketch of the two gents:

Pablo is Sam's younger, better looking, more talented brother and he has been mentioned earlier here as well.
Démon is Sam's classmate from school and my junior. Démon can best be summarized as a good golfer, a great guy to hang out with in general and by far the best man I have ever encountered who can persuade anyone...and I mean anyone to consume alcohol. Persuasion, deceit and skulling all come together in a potent and deadly combination when it comes to Démon. Watch out for him if ever in Bangalore.

So Pablo and Démon were putting it away when we walked in. Immediately full glasses are thrust before us, as if by magic...and before we know it loud bangs of empty glasses clattering onto tables are heard. Several times over. 1, 2 and then 3 pitchers are emptied. Sam chides Pablo to go for another round and when refused, " Aye Pablo...guys check this out...Pablo is actually gay ha ha! Really man! He's so gay that his left testicle is in a wheelchair! ha ha ha!"
On seeing our bemused expressions he tries to change tack

" Fuck you choot (to Pablo) what have you done to the car man? At least tell me you fucker...tell me so I know (Sam indulges in a virtual hard turn like he's crossing the western Ghats in a truck) what to do. Or else suddenly I'll see one wheel rolling along next to me instead of under me ha ha ha!"Pablo says something about a problem only when reversing...''Ha ha! You can't reverse in life how will you reverse the car you pansy ha ha! (Then adopting a thoughtful expression) Fuck even Michael Schumacher's pop can't drive that car..." And so the evening went on.
********

Quotes

2006-10-26T13:30:00.000+05:30

Recently, I had a housewarming of sorts. Yes, it is indeed a sad fact that I no longer reside at Sita Mahal (Sam & others currently residing at Sita Mahal, kindly refrain from correcting me and pointing out that it's a good thing for you'll :p) . On their arrival, KVA made sure to even look under the bed in the hope that he would find a hot chick. On failing, he made an earnest request that I get myself a hot roommate at the earliest. Manny arrived all dressed up and kept pulling disappearing acts. But after a certain *cough cough* someone arrived, she pretty much stayed in one spot. Nithin, fiiine, Nitin, who arrived fashionably late made sure to show off that he was previously at the Bombay Times party. He then proceeded to show off about going for all sorta concerts all over the world. At which point I contemplated pushing him off the building, but then a certain *ahem* someone wouldn't approve, so I decided against it. Tarang tried to figure out ways in which she could get Manny to work on college applications, gave up, and then retired early for the night. As for good ole Abs, I don't think it would be fair to recount the many stories we heard of his past. But maybe in time, given that he is one helluva sport, we can get to that. Faraz, who was greatly aggrieved by the fact that we weren't taking our game of pictionary as seriously as we ought to, excused himself and preferred to watch 'Bikini Destinations'. He was soon joined by KVA. They returned mournfully after the show ended. And now, as for our beloved hero:

'Life is like a orange, you have to peel the layers… no, wait… Life is like a orange; grammatically incorrect.'
'I have 4 balls, but I gave 2 to *****'
'Why are all your friends ugly fucks? No wait, not counting me,… er'

'Lets have weekly traditions. Wednesday night at Gokul. Friday night at Hardrock Café and Saturday night at Toto's.' *short pause* 'And for the rest of the days we can get all the alcohol out of our system'

'Archy, you need to learn to enjoy your drink man. Don't keep skulling like a madwoman.'

*and 10 minutes or so later*

'Archy, why are you sitting like a pansy. Drink dude.'

And the night carried on. When I woke up the next day and walked into the hall, I found a semi conscious Sam trying to sit up.

'Why the fuck did I sleep here?' he asked, before I could. He then reminded me of the weekly traditions as discussed earlier and was soon on his way to the famous and greatly missed, Sita Mahal.

* Name withheld, though you are free to guess who the named individual was.

The Maxim Effect

2006-10-21T11:29:00.000+05:30

One evening at 15 Sita Mahal...

A crew of Sam & others were lying sprawled in Sita Mahal…the festive Diwali atmosphere flowing in through the windows. The burning smell of sulphur from the Firecrackers being burnt outside, loud chanting from the religious trust below both mingled (in) auspiciously with a more agreeable odour of burning herbs in Sam’s room. The atmosphere was heady…to say the least.

Karan of Karan fame from the “Others” was regaling us with a story revolving around a brochure featuring attractive specimens of the opposite sex and how the pages from this brochure were used as a critical ingredient in imbibing one of the many miracles that Nature has been so kind to provide us with. It involved making little rolls of brochure from the existing object.

So the topic of discussion and much laughter were attractive specimens of the opposite sex…I (although I humbly admit I did not foresee the reaction it would bring about) happened to mention that this magazine called Maxim would be of general interest to the audience and it was something worth taking a look at. That is when Sam came to incandescent life with, “ Doooode!! Ha ha! Man! It’s a sexxxxy magazine man!! Fuck! You have to check out these issues with Amrita Arora and Celina Jaitley! Shit man I saw stars! Too hot!”

We were in general agreement that the abovementioned female forms were indeed attractive but Sam decided we needed to know more. One wonders if Sam’s many appearances at advertising photo shoots has lent his imagination that extra edge. If so, God help us all. So Sam continues…

“ Guys this Celina Jaitley shoot man fuck you have to see it…I’ll try and get a copy somehow! There is this one snap man…

(this is where you must now picture Sameshwar and his appearance. It is integral to you sharing immense laughter from this tale. I must take a moment here to give you a full description: Sam at the time of telling this tale was clothed in a short pair of grey shorts…which just about served their purpose of covering his loins but did little else. And he was of course sporting a bright-candy-apple red t shirt from a recently concluded event. As Sam began describing Celina Jaitley’s photo shoot in Maxim, he got up from a reclining “Nero being fed grapes” kind of position to an upright sitting position with both legs held apart significantly. This immediately gave all of us in the room a more than ample close up view of ..well something none of us in the room were at all remotely interested in seeing, hearing, talking about. But, as you will see soon, Sam considered this position integral to the tale.

…there is this one snap man (Sam continues now with his legs spread apart wide and remember, he is only wearing a short pair of shorts…err…). She is sitting like this (index finger points down to his nether regions… ) and she is shagging this golf club man! Fuck that must be the luckiest golf club in the world. And check this out guys…about there feet from the club (Sam points down to his nether regions again to indicate where the club was) is a hole with a ball just behind it man! Ha ha ha! Fuck man (now indicating with frantic gesticulation what could only have been his version of a 3 feet golf putt) if some one had tapped that ball I don’t know where it would have gone man! Ha ha ha !

We were, by this time all unable to ward off Sam’s poses and were lying in helpless laughter on the floor. But dear dear Sam decides that he has just begun warming up for the evening. Looking at all of us gripped with uncontrollable laughter, Sam too begins laughing obviously puffing away on the ubiquitous cigarette at the same time. He begins to laugh so hard that the cigarette flies out of his hand only to land smack bang inside his laptop bag with all his papers. Sam is galvanized into instant action

“ Fuck guys ..what the fuck!” And Sam begins to empty out the entire contents of his bag with frantic, scooping actions. Papers, contracts, folders, brochures go flying across the room. No sign yet of the smoking cigarette. Sam decides it is time for more drastic action and lifts the entire bag (sans laptop thankfully) upside down and empties the contents on the floor all the while saying “I’m fucked guys shit” “I’m fucked guys shit”

All that comes out are copious amounts of dust and empty cigarette packets. After 15 mins of checking to ensure his bag will survive we find the guilty cigarette butt looking tired and worn out, lying in a corner of the room…Its job done for the evening. We then went on to watch the Big Labowski…and all was set right as Sita Mahal again continued to resound with Sam’s laughter.

Coming Up..."Sam and his theory on 'Earth, the Milky Way and Life'!"

Did you know...?

2006-10-03T12:05:00.000+05:30

Some tid bits and trivia about the person we love and who we hope will be back in action soon.

Did you know...
- That Sam spent most of his 3 years in college not in the classroom but on the golf course?
- That Sam had an attendance in his final year of college of 2 % ?! Yes 2 % in toto!
- That Sam's favourite dish in Bangalore is the bacon omelette at Koshy's? (well ok..at least 3 bacon omelettes and a plate of smiley fries comprises one snack for him)
- That Sam was the unmatched Skolling champ in Bangalore ...until his brother Pablo came along? (as a result, Sam's visits to Bangalore have reduced...he cannot take the shame of being upstaged by his younger & better looking brother anymore! heh)
- That Sam when he joined AIESEC in the 1st year of college was a lean, mean 6ft machine....well you all know what happened after...
- That the government of Karnataka has issued a notice to the Bangalore Golf Club to raise their fences or shut down because once every 6 months or so, there is a rain of golf balls from the 4th hole at BGC onto the CM's house located a good 200 metres outside the course...an interesting coincidence as this ties in with Sam's visits back home...
- That in Tavern, Sam can get anybody...and I mean anybody to drink. Sam's powers in Tavern are amplified ten fold (a separate note on the "Aashish incident" shall be posted soon with some help from Vijay and Pablo who were also present then)
- That in his earlier days Sam habitually smoked in the loo of his house and when questioned, always claimed "leaves...they are burning leaves outside) - Sam stays on the 10th floor....*cough*
- That Sam was the school cricket team captain of his school?
- And also that he was the first captain to lose the most prestigious cricket tournament to the most bitterest of rival schools, breaking a winning streak of 14 years for his school?
- And to make things worse, he till today boasts saying " Eyy..*uck you dude, I got the best batsman award that tournament!"

Hmmm

2006-09-22T15:23:00.000+05:30

I would laugh, and heartily at that, if I knew who took to the kindly task of creating an advertisement for me on a matrimonial website. So fess up and take credit. Sid P would especially like to thank you for giving him a reason to laugh all day.

p.s.

I would appreciate you getting rid of my surname from that website. As a token of my appreciation, I promise to deliver women who are indeed 5’9 and 55 kgs. Unless of course KVA beats me to them.

SOS

2006-09-22T11:19:00.000+05:30

The reason for lack of incidents in our lives -

Hello everybody

How is everyone doing. Fuck its been absoutely crazy here. I havent worked so hard ever in my life although im still trying to delegate as much of my work as possible bt beyond a certain point its tough. Trying to work on a strategy for that though. hehehehe.

Im gonna be down and out till the 1st of October. The event starts on 25th so please make sureu guys come for the matches. Ill keep u posted on the good ones and since you are in town it shouldn be a problem. ill of course organise passes for u.

not sure abt today though. looks unlikely.

COngrats archy. well done. now u can sue me for taking your trip hahahha

miss u guys

take care

Sam

One Night At Gokul

2006-09-16T12:32:00.000+05:30

About 9 pm or so last night our hero, Sam, of ‘Sam & Others’ fame called me on my landline at work.

‘Hey Archy! Whats up. Where are you?’
‘At work?’
‘Ok. Come to Gokul no.!'
‘We just went on Wednesday man. Lets go to toto’s instead.’
‘No man. I haven’t taken Blah to Gokul.’

The way Sam was talking about ‘taking Blah to Gokul’, one would imagine Gokul to be the Grand Hyatt. When I got to Gokul, I saw a rather skeptical Blah looking about himself apprehensively. Sam of course was going, ‘Whataplace dude. What a sexy fucking place.’ Blah soon joined him, nodding in agreement.

Given that its Gokul, you need to give the place its due and order no less than 5 to 8 drinks. But no more than 25, in which case you will be left to pass out on the streets for the night. Blah who started to grow concerned about the number of drinks being ordered and the speed of it, suggested that we order some dinner to avoid having to make use of the streets at the end of the night. Sam with his usual tone of assurance, ‘Just drink dude. I’ve already ordered for dinner. And you Archy, what you're siting like a pansy. Drink.’

After 15 minutes or so our waiter arrived at the table, ripped open a packet of ‘murukkus’* and emptied it on a steel plate. Sam then pushed the plate towards Blah. Blah looked at the plate and started to wonder how he could rephrase his request for dinner.

I believe he still is.

* A refreshment lacking in sophistication, yet popular among all strata of society. Also referred to as ‘that that thing’ / ‘the thing south Indians call it.’

suave vs. villager

2006-09-14T15:45:00.000+05:30

Nothing in the history of sam’s diverse comic talents comes close to the classic ‘suave vs. villager’. A disclaimer to the current ‘Others’ - you might not know of this one. Old school boys like abhi (who is actually the original old school), NP, KS, DG and myself- enjoy.

Now that you do, I insist you catch sam in a state of insobriety for the following reenactments.

The Cast (in alphabetical order)
Sam as suave
Sam as villager
Sam as sam.

Suave: “oh good evening mr. grandhi….lovely wine isn’t it? Takes a gentle sniff and wafts the glass gently under his nose and mutters “chateu le blanc 1969, pure vintage”
Villager : “eyyyyyyyyyyyyyy WINE ahh? Villager proceeds to pour wine into a bucket before sipping glugging it down in one mighty motion.

Suave: “oh those are some lovely red roses…ill take 2 dozen for the lady”
Villager: “roses ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, followed by sounds of villager eating the roses..
He’s eating the roses…accompanied by the very famous sam gesticulation (you know with the arms stretched out, with the chest getting jiggled from side to side and the half smile reaching upto his eye) .

By this time, in all honesty, Im either bent over so bad that my lower back is on the verge of snapping like a twig with uncontrollable fits, or (in the case that we are indoors), everyone is holding on for dear life to the beds, mattresses, cupboards etc laughing because there is just a complete lack of physical balance brought upon during such hilarity.

What makes matters worse was that if anyone has a more infectious laughter then sam, its DG. So when he would get into the act whilst holding onto the few blades of hair atop his vast forehead, I would pretty much lose control and pray to god to take me away before I bust open a rib or something.

Suave: “would the lady like to do dance a bit of ballroom?” Sam then proceeds to waltz across the floor (with the over-exaggerated lunges and whimsical tune et all)
Villager :”eyyyyyyyyyy I am a disco dancer tantantanNA!..ehhh girlies want to dancaaa….?
Sam then proceeds to motion pelvic thrusts of such brutal force that you pretty much want to get the hell out of the way before he pokes a hole right through u ….
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A classic if there ever was one. The state of drunkedness would never again be the same.

For your benefit

2006-09-12T17:07:00.000+05:30

As all readers would undoubtedly have noticed, the number of posts on this blog about Sam & Others have significantly reduced. This may be attributed to a decrease in the number of instances which would in the normal course of the day find their way on to the blog.

Careful research and analysis has lead us to believe that this decline may be due to the following reasons -

1. Lack of alcohol consumed by Sam & Others over the past week

a. This is largely due to wallets which hold bank statements, debit cards for accounts which have no funds which can be debited, credit cards which have crossed their credit limits, and no money.

2. Lack of time spent together by Sam & Others

a. Sam & Others have been spending extremely long hours in their respective offices, trying to make enough money to fill their bank accounts, pay off their credit card bills and have money in their wallets, so that they may once again pursue their lives as before.

As has been highlighted in previous posts, all updates on the blog are actually occurrences without exaggerations. We do not resort to concocting stories for the sake of keeping the blog alive (as yet atleast) and therefore rather not post anything at all.

However, Sam & Others have noted that this blog fulfills and provides, among other things –

An update on the lives of Sam & Others for the friends and loved ones;
An insight on how to have a good time;
Beat mid work day blues; and
A lesson on how to deal with ugly people.

In light of the above uses of the blog, Sam & Others have unselfishly, and keeping in mind the best interests of the readers of this blog and society at large, agreed to accept funds from the readers of this blog so that they may quit their jobs, buy alcohol and spend their entire day drinking. The sole purpose behind this is to ensure the occurrence of bloggable (if there is such a word) instances for the benefit of our readers.

Cheques and DD’s may be made in the name of Sam & Others and sent to 15, Sita Mahal. Generous donor’s shall have their names mentioned on the blog.

Together, we can, and we will, make a difference…

I Rest My Case

2006-09-10T21:46:00.000+05:30

It has been brought to my attention that several of you readers don’t truly believe what you read here, writing off a significant percentage of the content as exaggerated fiction (which I have decided to treat as a compliment to my non-existent imagination). It was so brought to my attention by one Mr. Blah* who works with our increasingly popular hero, Sam. Those of you, who don’t know this Blah I speak of, are most likely to dismiss his name as yet another fabrication, in which case, the laughs on you.

As impossible as the task appears, I shall recollect a conversation we had from a night where much alcohol was consumed. And when I say ‘much’ I am understating facts. An allegedly rare occasion in my case.

When Blah said and did a lot of things that entitled him to a dedication on this blog, I warned him that he would soon be reading about himself if he carried on in such a fashion. Unfortunate that I did, for it seemed to have sobered him up instantly. It appears that being featured on this blog is a threat to reckon with.

‘You exaggerate,' said Blah. And as an afterthought, ‘A lot.’

To which I (as truthfully as was possible) responded:

‘If you know Sam well enough you would know that all posts are as accurate as it gets.’

As Blah and Sam are best friends who enjoy a Mentor-Mentee (Mentee is a word) relationship, this was clearly a wrong thing to say. To which a rather affronted Blah said:

‘Of course I know Sam. Very well at that. I know that he just isn’t capable of looking at a chick straight in the eye and telling her that she is ‘fuckin ugly.’

Right on cue and not a minute too soon, Sam called out to an embarrassingly unattractive man who was trying his luck (with little success) at dancing.

‘Hey ugly fuck!’

‘Eeeey.’

‘Ugly fuck’, called out a persistent Sam.

And when the um, ugly fuck turned to look in Sam’s direction, Sam very innocently lifted his glass, the contents of which had been skulled a short while ago and said:

‘Cheers dude.’

And with a grave nod repeated, ‘Cheers’.

For the rest of the night, Blah bore the expression of a man who had spoken too soon only to be instantly proven wrong.

*Blah (blä): One who is anything but blah yet paradoxically called so and who indulges in the occasional fancy of wearing shiny apparel.

Caution: Think twice before you laugh in his company for the joke is most likely to be on you. A fact that you will realize a little too late and a little too often.

The Story of Sam's Others...

2006-09-07T14:00:00.000+05:30

Since no one has put up anything in the past few days, I thought might as well put this up.

Sam's Others...

One weekend, long before Sam & Others were formed, Sam n I were watching movies at 15, Sita Mahal (I’d say home, but ‘15, Sita Mahal’ now has special significance). One of the movies we saw during the weekend, though we had already seen it before, was Oceans 11.

Just like everyone else, we both were totally inspired by George Clooney n Brad Pitt and thought what a cool way that was to live life n make money. We decided we too should come up with a scam like that n then chill for the next few years, till the money ran out.

We agreed we would rob only very cool places, like a casino, where we could see ourselves chilling and preparing for the do. Then we realized there were no casinos in India, and quickly decided to rob a dance bar instead. Since a dance bar has no security, we figured it would be easy to take the money n get outta there, and hence no serious prior planning was required and we did not have to ‘sit n chill’ like we were going to at the casino. At that time, we hadn’t thought of a name for the gang, but now I guess we can call ourselves Sam's Others.

The plan involved first entering the dance bar. Sam said this would not be a problem as he was a good actor and could easily convince the bouncers he was a customer and we were his friends. I didn’t doubt this for a minute, and secretly thought to myself that Sam must actually be a regular at numerous dance bars anyway, and we should avoid one where he has been before. Once in, we would find our way to where all the money was kept, put it in bags, and leave.

Simple, isn’t it? Now you must be wondering why we never tried it, coz it looks so easy. Well, Sam n I then discussed who all would actually comprise Sam & Others, and take part in the heist. Here, is where the problem law, coz one after the other, every member of the gang was shot down –

We chose Chitgo to be part of Sam & Others for the plan. Then we realized that once we all had the money in our bags n were on our way out, Chitgo would promptly sit down somewhere in the bar itself, take out his laptop, and start blogging on what an amazing experience it was, and how his life experiences were now up to 32,34,59,82,09,83,482, about which he had blogged 8,43,02,98,47,35,09,23,849 times, and even though he was actually 23 years old, he didn’t count that as his age, coz age is determined with experience and… ooops, the cops are here…

Then there was Manny. Manny would take the money and quickly try n run outta the place. But alas, on the way what caught Manny’s eye? A table. And on that table, there was a woman dancing. Now we all know when Manny sees a table, she wants to dance on it. Here was a woman already dancing on the table. How could Manny be upstaged this way?!?! So up jumps Manny onto the table, and begins her dance. And she dances on the table till the cops take her away, mistaking her for a dance bar girl.

When Manny, or for that matter anyone dance, can Nitin be far behind? Certainly not. So there is Nitin, recording Manny dance on the table with his camera phone. Recording all the way to the police station.

Then we thought we had an able partner in Faraz. Here was reliable fella, if there ever was one. Until we realized that loads of these dance bars have muslim women dancing. Faraz would see, and would not accept it. He would catch hold of these young ladies and explain to them the meaning of Islam, and how what they were doing was not correct, and they must refrain from carrying on such activities, start wearing a hijab, and would get himself arrested.

We considered Tee, and promptly shot her down. He energy levels would be great no doubt, but her screaming and shouting would attract so much attention we would get caught even before we entered the friggin dance bar.

That left only Archy, Sam n Me.

Sam conveniently pointed out that I was a waste, coz I just didn’t look like the kinda guy who would go to a dance bar. And even if I did pull it off, once inside, instead of taking the money, I would end up picking up ash trays, glasses and table mats, and that just wasn’t done and would have been a waste of the bag I was carrying. So it was up to only Sam n Archy.

Fortunately, Sam was convinced he could pull it off with Archy, I made him realize that once he n Archy were in the dance bar, they would promptly go n sit at a table, order a whisky and a rum, skull the drinks and then proceed to order some more, skull that, and end up totally drunk and singing songs.

We decided we just weren’t made up for this stuff…

Newsflash about the Newsflash

2006-09-04T21:37:00.000+05:30

It has been reported that the gorilla as mentioned in the previous newsflash, is known to be an endangered species, claiming to be off Swiss origin, and having a very distinct swager. This gorilla has been known to grow a neat circle of facial hair around the mouth and on many occasions been mistaken for a baboon with an identity crisis.
As a caution, please stay clear of this creature as it is very unpredictable and is known to cling on to legs of bystanders and enact a to and fro motion resembling a simulation of intercourse.
Bystanders are warned not to go anywhere near the creature especially when wearing shorts.

Please heed this warning or choose to ignore it at your own peril.

This creature has been known to also be the gang leader on many occasions has displayed a great sense of humour and has initiated the process which has been then followed up on by the gang. The gang has been known to display an exceptional degree of alcohol consumption which seems to have no limit. This quality has been personified by one particular girl who resorts to skulling her drinks in an attempt to set the record for reaching a higher state of consciousness in the least possible time. She has very often been found lounging around in the night near the bar, thereby displaying an unrelenting sense of commitment to surpassing her own record.

Newsflash!!

2006-09-04T21:10:00.000+05:30

We interrupt this programme to bring you the latest in the city of Mumbai.

Rumour has it that a warning has been issued to cabbies operating in the areas of Colaba Causeway, Mahalaxmi Mandir and Pali Naka to stay clear of a gang of hooligans, referred to as "Gane Valle Gunde" ("The Singing Villains" for those challenged in our mother tongue).

While the exact nature and identity of these hooligans is as yet unknown, they are said to operate in a group of atleast 4 people, sometimes going up to 8 or even 10. The group consists of both men and women, ranging from 1 woman to sometimes 3, and rarely, 4.

The group is said to be lead by a man (though this has been debated time and again as others have claimed it to be a gorilla, bhallo (bear), the missing link, and by one unfortunate Japanese tourist who happened to come in its way, Godzilla.) slightly over 6 feet and close to 100 kilos. He is said to speak English, Hindi, Marathi, Tamil, Kannadiga and Tullu, though neither of them fluently enough to give rise to the possibility that he has been educated or been exposed to civilized society in past.

While the other members of the gang appear to be relatively calm and sober, they are said to get inspired by the gang leader and resort to antics such as name calling, shouting, and stopping the cab and urinating in parts of the city, besides singing songs in Hindi and English, including songs with offensive lyrics.

Reports also suggest the gang leader always sits on the front seat with the driver, though it is said numerous members of the gang have objected to this, particularly when 4 or 5 of them have had to occupy the rear seat amongst themselves. However, the gang leader is said to dismiss them with a wave of his tree trunk like hand and go crashing into the front. However, being a considerate leader, he is often welcomes the others to sit on his lap. It appears that even though they are loyal and committed to their leader, the others have never been brave/stupid/drunk enough to accept this generous offer.

Every cabbie who has given the gang a ride has said the gang leader initiates polite conversation and always asks for a matchbox/lighter to light a smoke. While some cabbies have been able to fulfill his requests, those who did not have a light, or told him he was not to smoke in the cab, have been given dirty stares resembling someone being screwed by a zebra, followed by a string of obscenities, some of which they have never heard before. After lighting the smoke, the gang leader invariably offers to help the cabbie drive by taking control of the wheel, and of late, changing the gears of the cab, even before the cabbie has responded to this request. It is reported that no cabbie has ever agreed to the request or permitted the gang leader assist him. The cabbie is then asked to join in singing of songs, hence the name of the gang.

Those who have hug out with the gang are reported to have had a great time, and are are joining in, increasing the actual numbers.

This cab driver can currently be found at the Bombay Hospital, Mental Ward, where all cab drivers have been taken due to mental trauma suffered after giving a ride to the 'Gane Valle Gunde' . He, as do all the other cab drivers admitted there, claim to have seen a member of the gang at the hospital itself, a condition doctors are now describing as 'The Ghost of Gane Valle Gunde". Furthermore, all of them look as if they are being screwed by a zebra...

Continued

2006-09-04T16:25:00.000+05:30

It doesnt feel right not having anything to post after the weekend. Hence, I give to you, something from the previous weekend. Yes, the same one where Sam caused a girl to burst into giggles on being told that she was 'fucking ugly.'

After nearly being thrown out of the incredibly economical Gokul, Sam & Others hailed a cab to Sita Mahal. Of special importance is the pride with which Sam & Others left Gokul. It takes an exceedingly high level of notoriety to be fit to be thrown out of a place like Gokul and the same had been sufficiently attained. Before we could find a cab, Sam went up to every third person and affectionately threw his arms around their shoulders greeting them with:

‘Eeey brether Anthony, long time.’

Then Sam would turn extremely apologetic about wrongly mistaking someone else for his beloved Anthony and would soon be on his way. A sober Sam would perhaps wait until he was out of eyesight of the 1st victim before he could repeat the exercise to his heart’s content, but this was a rather drunken Sam. So he barely took two steps forward before exclaiming, ‘Eeey Christopher, how are you brether.’ Sam made sure to greet several others in such fashion, before we finally got him inside a cab.

Several cabbies wisely turned down driving the disreputable gang of Sam & Others to their home. After several failed attempts of forcefully trying to jump into a cab, an innocent looking cabbie out of kindness, or rather, ignorance, decided to drive us home. On the way to Sita Mahal, Sam would call out ‘Machis’ to every bystander. Some fools would even attempt to look for one about their person, even though Sam couldn’t bother to wait for one. He then started to serenade the cab driver with ‘Manjula’ by Baba Seghal. And as always he successfully managed to get the cabbie to sing along with us, albeit nervously. But for that night, Sam wanted more. He looked at the gear shift sticking out of the steering wheel towards him and toyed with it casually. The cabbie looked hesitant about what to do and what was coming. Sam took advantage of the moment and changed gears. The cab screeched in protest, though we think the cabbie screeched louder. Sam chastised the poor cabbie for not driving properly. Within minutes Sam repeated the action and blamed the cabbie for not keeping up. Karan tried to be sensible (commendable that he tried) by informing Sam of the use of a clutch pedal before switching gears. Sam reacted fittingly by lifting his leg in preparation to press the clutch. The cab driver pleaded with his life for Sam not to do so and Sam in turn, used this as leverage to be permitted to continue changing gears as and when he pleased. Sam also decided that a gear stick could also be used to steer the car, and used it accordingly. Hence it was a rather screechy drive back home, but the screeches and ghastly sounds caused by Sam’s gear shifting was drowned out by the loud singing to:

“oh main tho bhel puri ka raha tha. Oh main tho ladki gumaraha tha”, with the cabbie feebly joining us with the little energy he had.

As long as you have Sam cabbing it with you, even the longest cab drive can be entertaining. However, the issue as to whether the cab may still be around or not is debatable.

Abs!

2006-09-04T10:52:00.001+05:30

Need I remind you that you are sitting on ‘15 years of experience’, thereby entitling you to be the most valuable contributor of us all?

So come on I say!

the first 2 digits....

2006-09-04T10:41:00.000+05:30

Ok. So how many of you recite a cell number (that usually starts with 98) which just the digits after that. So for example if my number is 9891176531. I just say 91176531 kind of taking it for granted that the first 2 digits are 98. now before you jump down my throat, please know that I am aware of the faulty nature of this premise, more than aware. It doesn’t always apply, it can be misleading blah blah blah, I got it .

what you do now though is just ‘how’ I was brought to a state of humbled silence in regards with what I now see as a ridiculous practice.

One word.
One man.
One over exaggerated, over the top skill from the southside.
‘Sam’

Conversation:

Sam: dude whats your number
Me: 911*****
Sam: eh? What?
Me: repeating the number
Sam: Dude, why the fuck are you giving me the international code?
Me: Dude , sam, its 98 and the number , like obviously bro…you slow or what?
Sam (in complete filmi style, looks away from the cell phone staring incredulously at me): who the hell told you that?
Me: Sam, its common practice.
Sam: wait a second , so what you’re saying is the first 2 digits of cell numbers don’t count? Are you a dumb fuck?
Me: why the hell not? Most numbers start with 98 right?
Sam: see , ill tell you what, why don’t I start calling you ‘ruv’ from now on? Eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ruv fucker…
Me: Sam, that doesn’t make any sense , not everyones names start with ‘dh’
Sam (completely ignoring my pleas for sensibility): hellllllllo im ruv, please meet my friend ‘meer’ , and why don’t we give ‘anur’ a call ? or wait, I think we should find out if ‘ran’ wants to go to totos, and lets call “raz” as well …holy FUCK! That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard.
Me: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Sam: eyyyy ruv fucker , lets move fucker…ruv the muv eh ? ruv the muv?

Anyways, as you can imagine, I never heard the end of it….i was reminded the rest of the weekend of the completely idiotic nature of my suggestion.
And boy did I learn.

See, I think the Indian education system would be better with Sam as a teacher/professor….like which kid at any stage of his life would want to get raped in front of his classmates by the prof?

Enacted dialogue:

Student (lets call him 'ruv' for realistic effect): Sir whats the square root of 144?
Professor Sam: excuse me ? what did you say ruv?
Ruv: Sir, square root of 144 da…
Professor Sam: First of all young man, I am not your ‘da’, secondly if you don’t know the square root of 144, I think you should go back to picking onion roots from whatever village you came from, or maybe you should go meet the village astrologer and find out why the god of dumb fucks decided to reincarnate himself in your lousy useless being? (actually this is highly impossible as sam would never ever use the word reincarnate unless he was ‘trying’ to be really intellectual and wanted to talk about the magical re-appearance of a beer he had forgotten about previously in his fridge .. eg” eyyyyy ‘ruv’ fucker , the beer just reincarnated itself bro!”)
Ruv: Sir I I I I….. now in tears
Professor Sam: Ohh Ruv are we going to cry now? i think you should move ruv, like to another planet...
chuutttttttthhhh....
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

with sam, you dont learn a lesson, you have it imprinted into your very soul:)

One flew over Dandy's nest

2006-09-02T15:48:00.000+05:30

The ketchup on the letter's and the mess on the table were always Dhanur's doing, as he used to follow the exact same routine just an hour earlier to me. So it was like a "been there done that kind of a feeling for him".

In Dhanur's case he attempted to do up his cubicle trying to add an intellectual touch to it, filling it with books on management, strategy and marketing. Its obvioust that these books were only meant for display, trying desperately hard to improve Dhanur's social and intellectual image. Apart from the fact that this never worked, Dandy never had the intention, inclination or the intellect to even read the cover of any of them.

The trips outside the office were the best part of the day.It gave me a chance to catch up on all of Dandy's ideas/thoughs. To name a few
- On how he was planning to expand his coconut farm
- How he prefered wearing a dhoti while climbing up coconuts trees(he always seemed to wearing a dhoti)
-How he was trying to find a cure of hair loss
-His commitment to following a highly disciplined excercise routine which involved yawning 100 times a day and walking around his cubicle after every meal which ended up being around 10 times a day
-How he felt it was time to breakthrough and set up his own tailor shop(specialising in darning)

There were of course many many more such insights and throughout this entire excercise I always used to wonder if I should I tell him that he needed some help. But in the end freindship always prevailed and these sessions used to end in me patting him on his back, starining myself to present an expression of marvel and appreciation.

The life and times spent in Vicky with Dandy will always be some of the most cherished moments ever.

Cheers Bro.

the beauty of having a name....(albeit nick names:)

2006-09-02T15:28:00.000+05:30

one of the most amazing aspects about sam and others is that we are most certainly NOT anonymous in anything we say and do, be it self depricating or otherwise.....

so for all gracious contributors of worth or otherwise, please do identify yourselves.

cos being 'you' aint so bad is it?

cheers!

After a night at Ghetto

2006-09-02T15:16:00.000+05:30

After a night of heavy drinking, Sam & Others found their way back to 15, Sita Mahal. The cab ride involved an extremely inebriated Monu professing his love for Ghetto, Sam & Others, Ghetto, the music at Ghetto, old hind film songs and much of the world at large. He also sought to instill in Sam and myself, the other occupants in the cab, the sense and need for a 15, Sita Mahal song, something he tried numerous times while still at Ghetto, but due to the numerous escape routes available there for Sam and myself, didn’t get very far.

Fortunately, during the 30 minute cab ride, Sam, inspite of having consumed enough alcohol to drown a small town, had the presence of mind to divert Monus attention to newer things he could profess his love for.

At this juncture, it is crucial to add that due to compelling circumstances, the ever so eloquent Archy was unable to join us at Ghetto. Sam, greatly upset by such an event, proceeded to call Archy at 2:30 at night and reprimand her for leaving her mobile at home when leaving for work that morning, creating the abovementioned compelling circumstance. Unfortunately, I was unable to follow the conversation as I was in a rather engaging discussion with Monu on the inappropriateness of “Love will keep us alive” by The Eagles as the theme song for 15, Sita Mahal. Therefore, I request my co-author to shed further light on that topic, though I can say it involved a reasonable amount of “Woohoooing” on Sam’s part.

He also asked the cab driver to sing ‘Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna’ with us, something oft repeated in the past on this blog, and hence skipped here.

On reaching 15, Sita Mahal and negotiating the treacherous stairs which for some reason seemed a lot narrower than the past (I realize now it was because Monu insisted on walk by my side, with his had around my neck), we, correction, Sam, ensured Archy join us for a round of drinks. To her credit, she found her way to our room with a big smile, inspite of having been through what must have been a traumatizing conversation with Sam.

The night wore on with us drinking some Teachers on the rocks, and arguing with Monu on his choice of music for the night.

When Monu chose to play ‘Love will keep us alive’, I knew something had to be done to avoid another round of discussions on the 15, Sita Mahal song.

“Guys, I think Hugh Hefner is the greatest man in the world.”

(Inspite of heavy drinking, I knew this was one topic that would engage everyone there, including Monu).

Faraz (playing NBA 2005 on his laptop): “He’s quite a dude.”

Sam: “Yaaaa dude. He’s the greatest man. Actually, forget him, you know who is the greatest guy in the world? Hugh Hefner’s son. He’s the greatest man in the world man.”

Archy chose to remain silent, though her expression reminded me of the Chinky bloke who thought he was getting screwed by a Zebra.

Monu continued to keep his love alive.

Myself: “No man, Hugh Hefner is greater. He started the whole thing man. The founder of Playboy.”

Sam: “Noooooo yaaar. Imagine the son man, he lived in the Playboy Mansion.”

At this juncture, two thoughts raced through my mind –

a) so does Hugh, he friggin built the place;

b) if his son is so great, why do people talk about Hugh and not his son. And he must have a name…

Before I could say anything…

Sam: “Imagine man, he must be waking up in the morning and going ‘Aaa, I’d like 2 tits and some milk please’”.

Faraz: “But no buns please, I’m on a diet.”

Sam & Others: Hahahahaha haha hahaha

Sam (pointing a finger at Archy): Eeeyyy Archy Archy, blog this please, blog this na. You always blog about other things, you never blog when I say something funny. Blog this blog this. Fucking hilarious dude, two tits and some milk, but no buns coz I'm on a diet. Hahaha. Diet dude. Blog this Archy, blog this. Awesome man, fucking hilarious.

'Sam & Others' Completes 1 Week Today

2006-09-02T11:41:00.000+05:30

While discussing the popularity of this blog as evidenced by a racy stat counter, Sam rightly observed:

‘You jobless fuckers post all day and then comment on your own post and then think that other people are reading it. Its just us dude.’

In light of the aforesaid accurate observation and on behalf of ‘Sam & Others’, I would like to thank ‘Sam & Others’ for their continued patronage and avid interest in the lives of ‘Sam & Others.’

Sam Camp.

2006-09-01T21:47:00.000+05:30

Ok this story is from back in the days .. in Vikhroli.

An example of how when Samm (name changed to protect identity) settles down ... he settles down.

If you dont feel like reading, scroll right down for a photo story.

The two years that he spent on the MC were spent within the 2 and a half walls of his cubicle. He hardly explored the rest of the 30 sq. ft. office and the only time he went to the loo ... was to smoke. His desk consisted of the following items : boxes of Gold flake kings, matchboxes with used matchsticks, letters to/from Ratan Tata smeared in tomato ketchup, business cards of executives, ties/belts/the odd jacket, tonnes and tonnes of documents dating back to 1982 and in the far left corner, a (neatly) stacked pile of aluminium trays with leftovers of chicken friend rice and butter chicken (dating back to his first day in Mumbai)

A typical day on the MC went like so ..

(walking in at around 1:30 pm, greeting people along his way from the door to his seat)
Eyyyyy brother, how are you doing I say? All good-ah? I see you are working hard, I try to take inspiration from you everyday yaar. Keep it up yaar.

(at 2:15 pm, after completion of the ceremonious walk to his seat and upon reading his first e-mail)
What the fuck mann, what the fuck, shit.
(no one knows, no one asks)

(at 2:16 pm, after thoroughly going through all his e-mails, picking up the phone)
Cravings?!??!?!?!? Ek chicken fried rice aur ek butter chicken, jaldi boss

(at 3:30 pm, when scrawny fucker from Cravings arrives with the goods)
Paise nahin hain boss, kal, kal. Pakka, hum promise karte hain. Woh hamaara "vollet" chod diye ghar pe. Pakkka boss, promise. Ab niklo yahaan se.
(this is followed by the widest grin ever, in anticipation of the day´s biggest event ... Lunch)

(at 3:32 pm, upon consumption of said low-cal, low-carb, high-filth yet nutritious meal, looks at me .. )
Dude, need to speak to you about something. How about it we take it outside, over a smoke.

(at 3:40 pm - its a long 3 minute walk from the office to the gate at Godrej´s, unless of course we found an auto)
(So Sam, what did you want to talk about) Generally dude, wanted to find out how you were doing.

We finish our meeting and realise that it´s too far a walk back. We of course often realised that we either had a team meeting to attend or a report to prepare. After brief discussion, the decision on how to deal with it was usually unanimous : "Fuck it".

(at 4:00 pm - back at the famed SPE 3/4 outside room a.k.a "Sam Camp")
Sam would then enter the house (we never had locks & keys btw), fling his laptop across the room with expert precision so that it would safely land on the mountain of dirty laundry right by his bed.

He would then proceed to walk the three inches from the door to his mattress, which almost always never had anything on it*, and proceed to crash (yes, the phrase : I need to crash can be attributed to him) on his mattress ... face down. It usually didnt matter if he was wearing a suit, he would still crash. The times that he had a meeting the following day, he would take his tie off so it wouldnt get wrinkled.

* Except for the times when someone else had slept on it the previous night, they would cover the mattress with a clean sheet. If so, he would yank it out the next day and exclaim : What the fuck is this?!?!!?

Needless to say, this is just the beginning ...

sam: pride of the nation...

2006-09-01T13:57:00.000+05:30

So after a particular exciting world cup encounter way back in 2002 b/w brazil and England, sam and I decided to take our inebriated states into an autorickshaw for further consumption at pecoes.
At this point sam decided ofcourse that patriotism to a sport we cannot play is in order so he starting singing..(read pavarotti murdering screaming)
“indiaaaaaaaaaaaa indiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..indiaaaaaaaaaaaa indiaaaaaa”
Now there was no cricket match being played with India participating, I was too smashed to know what was going on but atleast the auto driver was amused, which is more than what I can say for bystanders and fellow motorists.
Anyway, it had been 30 seconds since this loud nationalistic theme filled the air before sam (as many of you would be well aware) decided to get the rickshaw driver into the act.

sam: “eyyy bhaiyaa gao gao Indiaaaaaaa indiaaaaaaaa”
Auto driver: toothy grin
Sam: eyyyyyyyyy boss gao naaa!
Auto driver: toothy grin whilst trying to avoid pedestrians on mg road
Sam: now violently jerking this 3ft nothing rickshaw dude to sing
Rikshaw driver: heavily intimidated and scared out of his wits “indiaa India haan haan India India”
Sam: arrrre greaaaaat yaaaaaar ….greaaat, followed by silence
Rikshaw driver: silence
Sam: eyyyyyyyyyyy! Ruke kyoon boss? Come on come on India India
Me: dude sam I think we’ve reached
Sam: dude I don’t want to walk down this road, boss andar le chalo
Me: sam, its like 20 metres come on dude…lets walk, get some air
Sam: oh suddenly you’re all healthy and all? Balls dude, bhaiyya andar….
Me: dude sam….
Sam: “how I wish, how I wish you were here…………..”

So anyway, as many of you would identify with this as customary practice with sam, we were practically dropped to our seat in pecoes by the rikshaw driver…..im sure he still wakes up in the middle of the night whispering india indiaaa....
i mean with sam, we're all doing something to make this country a little bit better.
Thinking back at that (now more then 4 years ago!) all I can say is “greaaaaaaaaat yaaaar”

A continuation from the night before - Conversation at Gokul's

2006-09-01T10:39:00.000+05:30

This took place after Tarang and Archy had gotten up and were waiting outside Gokul's for us. Sam, Faraz, Nitin and I were about to leave when the Chinky bloke sitting at the table next to us with who I presume was his girlfriend struck up a conversation with Sam, in what sounded like English.

Chinky bloke: “You guys were singing good songs”

Sam: “Yeah, thanx dude”

Chinky bloke: “You should sing that Sutta song again”

Sam (looking at Chinky chick): “You’re really ugly”

Faraz: “Dude, shut up”

Sam (pointing at Chinky chick): “Dude, I cant help it. She’s really ugly”

Nitin: “I have the Sutta song on my phone, you want to hear it?”

Chinky bloke (staring at Sam): “Ya, play that song”

Sam: “Ya dude, play that song, (looking at the Chinky chick) and you’re really ugly”

Chinky chick: “Hehehe”

Sam: “Haha, you’re reaaaalllly ugly man. Bh****od, Ma**od sutta na mila. Bh****od, Ma**od, you’re so fucking ugly hahaha”.

Chinky bloke looks like he’s being screwed by a zebra.

Chinky chick looks like she wants to be screwed by a zebra.

Sam (walking out of Gokul’s): “Bh****od, Ma**od sutta na mila. Bh****od, Ma**od, I’ve never seen a chick so fucking ugly man. Fucking hilarious”.

Introducing The Others

2006-08-31T17:40:00.000+05:30

Tarang:
Tarang is someone who will go to heaven because she is kindhearted enough to hide your cell phone from you when you’re heavily intoxicated and in the process of calling / msging all the wrong people. Suck the life out of someone and introduce said someone to Tarang and he / she will be as sprightly as before. Perhaps even more than before. And the only girl who can jive with Sam and not pass out soon after.

Manny, formerly Aparna:
Manny, short for Mannizer, is a name that was born following Tarang’s accusation of Aparna being a mannizer. If you are a man and don’t know what a mannizer means, I suggest you find a way of meeting Manny. Manny has a strong propensity to dance on tabletops and of course, manizing. Leave her in a room filled with strangers and she will leave as the most well liked of all. She can even carry on a conversation (politely at that) with the likes of Pulkith.

Karan:
Karan has the ability to forego a lot of things. For instance, if you are female and have a nice body, having a face isnt mandatory. I’m trying to think of something nice to say, but this is all I’ve got. Oh yeah, he is very generous with his ipod which has some really good music. Very very generous with it.

Faraz(a):
This one doesn’t drink, so I wont bother. Wait, I think I have something. Faraz takes pride in his burping and the more annoyingly you look in his direction, the more often he will burp. Consecutively. He also likes to burn pants and bedspreads with his iron. I need someone to continue opening the door for me in the morning, so Ill end with ‘but a really cool guy.’

Nithin:

(fine)

Nitin:
Move about in your chair and Nitin will be inspired to take a video of you with his cell phone. For that matter, just looking at your chair will do. This dude has a cook who you can buzz for, a house than can actually house people and a great dvd collection. Clearly, you would want to keep him as a friend. So Ill stop with this.

Gaurav:
Also known as Monu. Why, we do not know. He has a fondness for male waiters and occasionally tries to bring some of them home. Play him some good house / trance and he will respond with: “Arrey why no words are coming yaar”. He can lift a cupboard with his finger, so I should probably stop now. On other hand we don’t really have any cupboards for him to hurl.

Archy:
May as well do this myself before the rest of the Others gang up on me. Lets see. Archy clearly has a helluva lot of time on her hands and needs to get a life. She likes to point out all the things that are lacking in Sita Mahal, but will make no effort to get them herself. In fact, she secretly likes how laid-back things are and not having to stringently follow a ‘to do’ list that your average fanatical flatmate would prepare. She is happy to have met and befriended the individuals as listed above and enjoys the evenings spent in their company.

At Gokul's

2006-08-31T11:49:00.000+05:30

For once, someone else at the table proposed that we skull our drinks. Already flying high, I suggested skulling only half the contents. Our hero responded with:

‘Archy, are you a pansy or what?’

I contemplated informing Sam of the gender one would have to be in order to rightly qualify as a pansy and quickly decided against it.

Sam & Others raised their glasses, toasted to Sam & Others and skulled their drinks. After which an overzealous Sam triumphantly brought his glass down on the table with such force that it shattered to pieces.

‘Dude, dude, not my fault. That just wasn’t my fault’, said Sam anxiously looking around as to who could be blamed for this unexpected mishap. On failing, he hailed a waiter, ticked him off for daring to give him a broken glass, emptied the contents of what was left of the glass into the waiter’s hands and demanded a free drink.

What Sam Has

2006-08-30T19:22:00.000+05:30

‘Archy, have you ever tried the peanuts at Bandstand?’

Since this conversation started abruptly at 2 am last night, I pretended to be asleep. Nonetheless Sam unilaterally carried on:

‘Boss. Sexxxxy they are man. Sexxxy.'
‘By the way, I don’t have peanuts. I have walnuts.’
*short pause*
‘No not walnuts. Wait, boss, Abhinav…what do you call those really big nuts. Yeah ok whatever they’re called, the big ones. That’s what I have.’

After another short pause, Sam started to recite the English alphabet with a chinese accent, as an ode to Abhinav's chinese *ahem* boxers.

After A Night At Toto's*

2006-08-30T13:06:00.000+05:30

*Most posts are likely to be titled, 'One Night At Toto's, After A Night At Toto's, One Night At Gokul's, After A Night At Gokul's' and so on.

After 8 pm on any given day of the week, if you receive a call from Sam, you can be rest assured that you will soon find yourself at Gokul’s or Toto’s (and if you’re lucky, some place fancy). At 8:30 pm last night I saw Sam’s number flash on my phone. Hit by a sudden flash of will power, I decided to give Toto’s a miss. But it was more my liver pleading with me to wait for Wednesday, so that it may recover from last weekend’s revelry.

At about 12:30 am or so the lights come on at Sita Mahal, promptly followed by Sam’s singing. FYI, one can accurately determine how much alcohol Sam has consumed going by the number of songs merged into one. At the time, Sam was singing to the tune of one particular song with the lyrics of 5 others and whenever in doubt some of his own. When I turn to look at Sam, I notice Abhinav lying peacefully on the mattress, attired in shorts, which seem to have the Chinese alphabets printed on it. Sam gets cosy next to Abhinav and then reels from shock with:

‘Dude, why the fuck are you wearing Chinese panties.’

To which Abhinav very earnestly replied: ‘Dude, these are not panties ok. These are boxers.’

‘Dude, these are worse than Dandy’s dude. Please get some actual boxers.’

‘No dude, look at yours. Its like yours only.’

‘Balls they’re like mine. And at least I have the legs for it.’

Sam then proudly throws his legs in the air for effect. After which he throws aside Abhinav’s blanket and claims that Abhinav clearly didnt have the same. Abhinav promptly threw his legs in the air as well and said that he did in fact have the legs for it. To which Sam kicked Abhinav’s leg out of sight saying:

‘Balls only dude. Get out of the Chinese panties.’

Abhinav feebly tried to stretch his boxers (read ‘chinese panties’), which didn’t really do much.

Sam then turned his attention to me, and decided to take my trip for all the fun I’ve been having on this blog. Abhinav happily joined in as well. I attempted to take offense, but my uncontrollable laughter kept getting in the way. Sam then suggested that I post about the offensive, albeit amusing conversations (which had me as the butt thereof).

To which I shall aptly respond with:

‘Balls, dude.’

To Karan's Parents!

2006-08-29T17:06:00.000+05:30

For a wonderful dinner, free flowing alcohol and fantastic dessert!

Sam & The Pigeon

2006-08-29T15:37:00.000+05:30

The residents of Sita Mahal have an ongoing problem of having to deal with a rather persistent pigeon that is eager to build its nest in the kitchen. While enjoying a particularly stiff drink with Sam (as is always the case), I informed him that the pigeon was back.

‘So? Let the fucker crap peacefully and fly off no?’

A wonderful attitude that I would one day love to adopt. But as Sam has rightly remarked on several occasions, ‘You chicks have to constantly worry about something or the other man.’

And so he set out to chase the pigeon. His weapon of choice – a piece of tablecloth lying on the counter. He started to flap the tablecloth in the hope that the pigeon would take flight. Instead it looked at Sam with interest. Sam took a brave step forward and flapped the tablecloth more vigorously. To which the pigeon flapped its wings. Sam resorted to utter his usual obscenities (by reflex or to shoo the pigeon we do not know). As a result of which, the pigeon flapped its wings all the more joyously and flew up higher barely missing the window.

‘Eeyy blind fucker!’ Sam called out.

Sam then aimed at the pigeon and flung the tablecloth in its direction with all his might. The napkin fell tamely an inch from Sam. At that time, the pigeon started to fly about noisily around the kitchen, which caused our Sam to come running into the hall.

‘Don’t tell me you’re scared of pigeons’, I said enjoying myself (though if truth be told, which it can be, given all that’s being said about Sam, I for one do indeed get a little anxious around pigeons).

‘It has a large beak man. I don’t want to mess with it.’

And then on a side note:

‘But it’s a cocky bugger. I’ll give it that’, said a grinning Sam with a hint of respect.

p.s.
The cocky bugger of a pigeon has since laid 2 eggs in our kitchen. Sam often eyes them hungrily with a look on his face that begs the obvious question of just how edible they are.

p.p.s
Okay, I think I went too far. But still, its not altogether inconceivable. ;)

Attention: Dandy

2006-08-28T10:33:00.000+05:30

‘Dude why do you keep writing about me when you know a guy like Dandy.’

Dandy – consider this a warning of posts to come.

After A Night At Gokul's

2006-08-28T08:58:00.000+05:30

When we reach No. 15, 'Sita Mahal', a rather grumpy Sam grudgingly makes his way up the stairs on my refusing to indulge in his "running race" up the stairs request. When we reach our doorstep and after looking at his lighter longer than was necessary to determine that it was not indeed the house key, Sam miraculously manages to find his keys. He then puts the key in the keyhole and steps back waiting for the door to open. I suggest perhaps turning the key, so that the door will open. In response to which a very confident Sam says:

"Shhh. Archy, trust me you're drunk. Leave it to me ok?"

As if on cue to what was running through my head, Sam looses his balance, but quickly regains it and looks at the floor accusingly. Then he takes out the key and puts it back in the hole and then steps back once again eagerly waiting for the door to open. Failing which he utters a few obscenities and proceeds to repeat the exercise. It would sound like an exageration if I mentioned the number of times that Sam actually repeated this exercise. So ill just say "repeated the exercise repeatedly". When Sam looked about himself to determine what could be glared at accusingly, i quickly turn the key in its lock and go inside. To which our poor and rather confused Sam puts forth the question:

"How?"

Its good having Sam as a roomie. Makes me feel bloody brilliant. An over achiever if you will.

One Night At TOTO's

2006-08-26T14:47:00.000+05:30

Sam: ‘Boss, what are you drinking? Whisky? With? Coke? Or soda? Or water? What?’

Before Sam, the one who claims to be the original Sam (hereinafter ‘Original Sam’) can even process the multiple questions put forth to him, our hero has already signaled a waiter and places the order as follows:

‘One RC large with coke and soda. Sorry. One RC with soda. Err. Water. Err. Coke. Errr. Uhh.’

*brain overload*

‘Fuck it.’

One Night At Gokul's

2006-08-26T14:11:00.000+05:30

Making plans to catch a play:

"Lets go for that play man. Something something its called. Billboards all over the city."
"Yeah? whats it called?"
"Something man. The billboards say 'It will laugh you to death' "
"Laugh you to death uh" ?
"Whatever did"
"Ok. Do you know who the director is?"
"huh?"
"Never mind. When is it?"
"Uh. Long time man. It will keep playing."
"Whats it called again?"
"Something man."
"Ok. lets go."

No points for guessing who suggested the "something something" play.

Attempting to enjoy a drink:

Warning: A touch gross!

"why is there ice in my drink man. I cant skull it now"
Sam attempts to remove the ice with his fingers. I make haste to hide my drink.
"Gross dude. Dont do that, you just went to pee and you n all dont believe in washing hands."
Sam with an injured expression on his face and touching his neck
"I swear on God dude. I washed my hands and I used Dettol."
Due to excessive intake of alcohol, logic and good sense failed to prevail.
"Dettol also huh? In that case... yeah, ok. Remove the ice."

While leaving Gokul's, Nithin informs me that not only was there no dettol in the restroom, there was no water either. Sam decides to treat this as an insult to his personal hygene. A bit of a paradox, given the complete lack of it. So he gets into a huff and insist I follow him to the washroom (or what may qualify as one) and points to two washbasins; one clogged with abundant water overflowing from it and the other which had a brown substance sticking to the sides just about visible to the naked eye.

"See. I did wash my hands dude. I wouldnt have sworn on God, if I didnt."

To think I would have been better off if Sam hadnt washed his hands!

Sam & Pulkith

2006-08-26T14:02:00.000+05:30

Continuing from where we left off. As Sam looked at the plump body of Pulkith (a little rich coming from your humble narrator) lying passed out on the bed, a glint of pure evil and joy lurked in his eyes.

"Archy, don't laugh ok", he warned me with grave concern. He then started to utter, nay, shout the most crude obscenities, which to put in mild terms involved asking Pulkith to get the fuck out of the house and screw an elephant. Sam on realizing that an elephant and Pulkith belong to the same species, decided to ask Pulkith to screw various other animals and inanimate objects. At which point, Pulkith with his eyes closed blushed and looked away in embarrassment. This act hinted at the possibility that Sam may not be very far from the truth concerning Pulkith's wants and desires. When Sam started to call Pulkith various other names, Pulkith rather bravely opened his eyes, or what seemed like an attempt to do so and looked inquisitively at Sam.

Sam stopped abruptly and very kindly adopting the tone of a concerned mother:

"Dude, you've puked all over your shirt. But it's ok. Give it to me; I'll get it laundered. Then you can have something clean to wear in the morning.'

Pulkith fearing that his man boobs may be exposed and taken advantage of by Sam, declined Sam's offer. But as we all know, Sam is not one to be stopped. Pulkith then feebly attempted to clutch his shirt at his chest, pleading that his man boobs be untouched. Sam mistaking this act for Pulkith unbuttoning his shirt, made haste and quickly ripped the shirt of Pulkith in one sweeping gesture. Either from shock or in delighted anticipation as to what lay in store for him, Pulkith once again passed out for the night.

"What a gross hairy mother fucker man" said Sam, more to Pulkith than to me. Pulkith tried to take offense, but the pounding in his head restricted his movements. Sam looked at the shirt in his hand and then at hairy Pulkith lying on the bed. He then took the shirt and gleefully said:

"Archy archy, see see!"

And when I did 'see see', I found Sam using his feet to mop the floor with Pulkith's shirt. The floor! After which I thought Sam would be kind enough to get it laundered, but Sam instead chose to fling the shirt out of the balcony. When he came back to the room, he once again asked Pulkith to get out the house. When Pulkith opened his eyes and looked up at Sam helplessly, Sam once again adopted his concerned voice and asked:

"Are you okay? Are you alright? Do you want some water? Have some water man, you're very dehydrated right now. You NEED some water man"

"Hey thanks yaar. Yes, I'd re-ully like some water," choked Pulkith.

"Er. Sorry we don't have any water in the house. Get some sleep."

And poor Pulkith would do as he was told. Sam on realizing that Pulkith was too hairy for his liking and too unpleasant a sight to handle, decided to put his lighter to work on Pulkith's passed out body. Yes, he did in fact attempt to light Pulkith's copious chest hair on fire. On further realizing that Pulkith's hair was not easily flammable, decided to make it so by emptying a bottle of deodorant on Pulkith's chest. At this juncture, Pulkith opened his eyes and looked pleadingly into the eyes of Sam.

Sam backed away from the bed and examined Pulkith. I thought perhaps, some guilt had after long last decided to pay Sam a visit. But as always, that was not the case. Sam looked around for an ashtray. One lay on the floor between Pulkith and Sam. But Sam decided that it wouldn't do. He instead bent over Pulkith's body and tapped the ash into Pulkith's ear.

"Ey Puke It Fucker", Sam called out.
*No response*.

"Fuck off I say."
*Confused silence*.

"Eeeeey Gandu! Eeeey Puke It! Eeey ey Eeey", Sam started to sing.

Puke It decided that he had enough. He sat up and decided that come what may, he must leave the house. Then his man boobs caught his eye and he wondered where his shirt had run off. Sam in his concerned voice:

"Hey dude. About your shirt. Saurabh and I were washing it in the night and we hung it out to dry. It must be in the balcony."

One would think that Pulkith would have learned his lesson by now, and wouldn't bother actually going to the balcony to get his shirt. But Pulkiths don't learn fast I guess. He did go to the balcony and instead found his shirt lying on the ground floor.

"Don't worry dude", said Sam placing his hand on Pulkith's hairy shoulder and hastily taking it back. "Ill give you mine", he added generously and proceeded to wear his shoes offering to drop Puke It all the way to Colaba.

But finally Puke It had learnt his lesson and he had learnt it well. He left 'No. 15 Sita Mahal', without a word. Sam on a parting note added:

"Take it easy Puke It fucker."

Something tells me that Pulkith won't be coming to visit in the near future. Make that, 'wont be coming to visit ever'.

Sources have informed me that Pulkith is currently incurring significant expenses in connection with his recent hearing disability that was brought on by the unusual traces of cigarette ash found in his ear.

Introducing Pulkith

2006-08-26T13:36:00.000+05:30

Once upon a time, a dimwitted youth by the name of Pulkith (yes, for real) found his way to 'No. 15 Sita Mahal.' On completion of the formal round of introductions, Pulkith grappled as hard as he could to memorize the names of some 15 odd individuals around him. The 15 odd individuals in turn got back to what they were doing and promptly forgot about Pulkith. As you can see, it takes a certain X Factor rather a certain Sam Gurjer, to make a night out of certain events.

In walks our hero and fixes himself a drink. With his customary glass of whisky in hand, his eyes started to wander around the room. There are a considerable number of new faces in the room. He looks questioningly at his glass of whisky. 'Strange' he thought to himself. This usually happens a few glasses down. His eyes caught sight of 2 individuals seated at one end of the room. He blinks in confusion trying to determine the gender of these 2 individuals, gives up and proceeds to size up the other new fella. The fella breathes in and eagerly introduces himself:

"I am Pulkith"

To which only our beloved Sam could reply:

"I am sorry."

And on that warm note, a conversation commenced between Sam and Pulkith. Pulkith's once eager disposition started giving way to despair as Sam's insults progressed through the night. When poor Pulkith (aren't you cracking up each time you read his name?) could not handle any more of it, he finally cracked and shouted:

"What the fucks!"

Sam in turn was ecstatic as he had new material to insult poor Pulkith with. The only option left to Pulkith was to drink the night away. And drink he did, though his night effectively lasted for fifteen minutes or so. Soon sounds of whatever Pulkith had consumed making its way out could be heard. Doing what any concerned host would do, Sam turned up the volume and tuned out what sounded like Pulkith puking his intestines. As the hours progressed, and as Pulkith puked as many organs as he could that night, our many guests started to leave. Soon everyone had left, except for, you guessed right, the dimwitted Pulkith, who had mustered the courage to pass out on your humble narrator's bed. The nerve of it all. I suggested that Sam teach him a lesson. Sam suggested teaching his parent's a lesson as well, for giving him such a name.

(To be continued….)